Wednesday, September 5, 2012

This post is brought to you by the letter P... for Pee-Yew!

Alright, kids, today we're going to talk about one of my biggest pet peeves: Air freshener. Or, as I like to call it, air "freshener." Seriously, has anyone ever walked into a bathroom and thought to themselves, "Gee, it smells like roses in here. I'm sure nobody has taken a dump in here, EVER." The answer to that is no. No they haven't. All air freshener does is mask bad smells, and it does a shitty job of that. (See what I did there?) Also, it's aggrevating for people with asthma and allergies. Oh, and it gives you cancer. All those little smell molecules just fly up your nose and start cancering your brain. (Yeah, I don't really think cancering is a word, but who cares? Isn't that what people do nowadays, make up words? I mean if vajay-jay can make its way into Webster's, I'm sure cancering can too. Let's start a movement! But I digress...)

Oh, and along those same lines, I just want to say FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PEOPLE, PLEASE STOP WEARING SO MUCH DAMN PERFUME!!! Just an FYI, if you wear the same perfume or cologne every day you start losing the ability to smell it, and thus put on more, and more, and more, until people can't walk their dogs near you because the smell wafting from you will literally kill puppies. (That last statement may have been just a tad hyperbolic. Maybe.)

If you're the type of person who skims instead of reading, here's the moral of this story: smelling a little poop won't kill you. Smelling buttloads of chemical scents might. And you don't want to take that chance, do you?


  1. When it comes right down to it, there's nothing that will get rid of that smell except time. I hate air fresheners. And the perfume thing.. god yes! But MEN are WORSE with the GD cologne. It's disgusting. We were having a nice Mexican dinner the other night until they sat these two slicked-back, tanned-up, cologne-drenched bastards right fucking next to us. I started to ask the waitress for a fan to point in their direction.

    1. The WORST air freshener is the kind that smells like baby powder. Makes the whole room smell like dirty diapers. We currently have this in the bathrooms at work and I've been tempted to 'accidentally' knock it in the trash several times.