Alright, kids, today we're going to talk about one of my biggest pet peeves: Air freshener. Or, as I like to call it, air "freshener." Seriously, has anyone ever walked into a bathroom and thought to themselves, "Gee, it smells like roses in here. I'm sure nobody has taken a dump in here, EVER." The answer to that is no. No they haven't. All air freshener does is mask bad smells, and it does a shitty job of that. (See what I did there?) Also, it's aggrevating for people with asthma and allergies. Oh, and it gives you cancer. All those little smell molecules just fly up your nose and start cancering your brain. (Yeah, I don't really think cancering is a word, but who cares? Isn't that what people do nowadays, make up words? I mean if vajay-jay can make its way into Webster's, I'm sure cancering can too. Let's start a movement! But I digress...)
Oh, and along those same lines, I just want to say FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PEOPLE, PLEASE STOP WEARING SO MUCH DAMN PERFUME!!! Just an FYI, if you wear the same perfume or cologne every day you start losing the ability to smell it, and thus put on more, and more, and more, until people can't walk their dogs near you because the smell wafting from you will literally kill puppies. (That last statement may have been just a tad hyperbolic. Maybe.)
If you're the type of person who skims instead of reading, here's the moral of this story: smelling a little poop won't kill you. Smelling buttloads of chemical scents might. And you don't want to take that chance, do you?