What's my age again?

In 17 days I will be turning thirty. The big three-oh. I have been counting down to this day for approximately 349 days (you know, more or less...)  This is not the gleeful, excited, 'my birthday's coming up, time to party' countdown of my twenties - noooo, this is a terrified, 'my life is slowly ending' kind of countdown. Why should I be so scared? Most of my friends have reached this milestone and come out (relatively) unscathed, but for some reason the day has me filled with dread. To me, thirty means adult. Nevermind the fact that I've already bought a house, got married, and had a kid. Nevermind that 'thirty is the new twenty.'

But I think more than just feeling older (excuse me, 'more mature'...), thirty means starting a new chapter. My twenties were a time of discovery, fun, new experiences, and finding myself. I was finally able to carve myself a niche, to figure out where I belonged. I no longer felt like that dorky girl in high school who didn't fit in (well, at least not ALL the time). Sure, I made plenty of mistakes, but I learned from (most of) them, and they helped shape who I am today. I feel lke turning thirty means leaving all that behind. I'm an adult now. I have responsibility.

Deep down, I know this will probably be just like every other birthday. I'll turn a year older. I'll still want to say "I'm twenty-nine" for about 2 months (because I can never remember how old I am after I've had a birthday... what year is it again?)  Life will go on, day in and day out, and the universe won't care that the first number in my age is no longer a 2. Nothing is REALLY going to change...

Except I'll be an ADULT.